xx

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Firstly, so sorry for the rather angsty post before that. Thank you for the concerned texts and messages, but i'm fine already (: I guess it was just a rather rough patch but im glad it's over.....

Anyway, i'm finally free from the constraints of MOE, for the rest of this year at least. SIGH. I'm just glad to be free. Even though the cycling plans didn't materialise today, causing me to be a bum for the most of today.

Oh well. I'm just looking forward to ikea meatballs + arena swimsuit sale + B&J's with Zan tomorrow, shopping with Amanda, and hopefully to meet up with T sighz.

I need some meaning in life now. I dread a lot of things now, and i really dont know what comes next. Sigh. Everything now seems so superficial and unimportant to me now. The searching of dress for grad night, what shoes to wear, yada yada. I need to find something lasting in my stead. I hope i find it back soon, because i know i once had it.

Ok i get it. It's insecurities chewing me up from the inside. I need to talk to God now, something i haven't done in a long long time. Can't wait to be revived spiritually in anshao camp, honestly.

cute is what
I aim for too.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

It's so stupid that i should be crying crying crying now until i'm almost dehydrated. It's so absurd, it's so..... stupid. I don't know. I think i've done all that i can to make things right. Or i thought i have. I dont know already..... I seriously have neither the mood nor energy to study for lit anymore. What i really want to do is just sit down and talk, but, everything's like shit now. Your apathy really really surprises me. I dont know. Maybe everything that has been established was just a lie. Why dont you just tell me fucking straight in the face? I mean, i bother with what you have, how you feel. Maybe you could tell me the truth too, is it too hard?

Weird that i should be confiding in technology to get myself heard. I dont know what it is, but it's really killing me now. I feel like fuck now I just need for my last paper to be over so i can cry myself hoarse and just die or something.

Please please please make time turn back and i promise i wouldnt have gotten angry, you wouldnt have wanted to stop talking, and you wouldnt say "let's talk after your paper tomorrow". Please no............

cute is what
I aim for too.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Well okay. I came online with the intention of posting something cathartic because something happened which made me extremely fucked up. Really really f-ed up. I don't think i've felt like this in a long time, and pity something like this has to happen before my last paper.

But thankfully there was Andy to talk to online. Very very thankful for that. If not i'd have been like Catherine in Proof. So angry that no one can really understand her. So close to insanity. Looks like i can really relate to my lit texts more than i've expected to.

Oh mug mug mug and forget the pain.

You know what i'm afraid of now? That after A's when i need to numb some pain, i have no mugging to do. How ironic. I need to get a hobby to occupy my time soon.

cute is what
I aim for too.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Why am i getting frustrated talking to you now?

You, of everybody.
You, the one i trust most.
You, the one i tell everything to.
You, the one i put first.
You, the one i went through shit for.
You, the precious one.

Ok i know why. Because you're not doing the same for me.

cute is what
I aim for too.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Andee says:
freedom!
can you smell it?

Liberation, ni zai na li..... ):

I can't wait for life after A's. So many things to do, so many people to meet, so much time to lepak, and....... :)

OK BYE. (anti-climax only)

cute is what
I aim for too.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Sighhhhhhh why you like that............. WHY............

But you mean so much to me i think i can overlook that.

cute is what
I aim for too.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Christmas carols were playing, some guy singing Maria.
Then,"okay.. i didn't know his maid so important to him la".

Hahahahaha that totally made my day. Quality time spent, clearing stages of marble cannon, getting high scores, getting drunk on milk tea, understanding organic reactions.

There may be hope for chem, just how much HAHA. SRI!!!!!!!!! IF YOU'RE READING THIS, JUST KEEP THINKING CHEM IS EASY CHEM IS EASY CHEM IS EASY CHEM IS EASY!!! GO SRI GO!!!!!!!!!! (:

cute is what
I aim for too.

The best part of my day was running into Darrell, Zan and the rest of the other cell group today while i was headed for the usual mugging place :D so happy! Quek was being his usual funny self.

Another highlight of the day was talking to vonster monster for half an hour on the phone just before cg (which i skipped haha) today. Double happiness!!!

Sigh i really need to have h2h with quek soon (Darrell please note if you're reading this!!!!!) and Zannybuns accompanied me while i was mugging (and talking cock to her duhz) and we had the craving for xlb....... So we headed town. We promised to leave in 45 mins but it turned out to be like.... 2 hours HAHAHA. Oh well. It was quality time spent with honeybuns. All of it was quality time, not counting the times when she talked about chow. Hiak hiak.

Can't wait for A's to be overrrrrrrr. But meanwhile, i'm so grateful for the friend who has stuck it out with me through O's, A's and almost everyday in between. Thank you God for such a blessing. Being incredibly grateful is a nice feeling to have (:

Oh A levels, let thy will be done.

cute is what
I aim for too.

Friday, November 13, 2009

I just want to get into uni. IS IT SO HARD ): ): ):

apparently yes, when you screw up your two best subjects. WHY OH WHY

cute is what
I aim for too.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Why do the weird questions always come out in our year?!

I took a nap just now, woke up and realised i knew how to do all the questions. Too late huh ):

cute is what
I aim for too.

Friday, November 06, 2009

I know it's history but... i can't help but feel bothered that i only found out after i probed. Really really bothered that i went to sleep the hurt away instead of studying.

I know i shouldn't be bothered and i'm just being very very very insecure.

AIYAH GO STUDY LAH JULIA KWAN. Ok bye.

cute is what
I aim for too.

Tuesday, November 03, 2009

I've had the two most interesting encounters in two consecutive days.

1. On Sunday me was happily going for tuition but stopped by amk hub to get some hokee pao dimsum for myself. Then while i was walking in i saw this girl in a tube top + hotshorts + look slutty but she had Steph's face... But i knew it couldnt be her cos Steph is my cutie pie and she'd never dress like that. So i continued walking, thinking about Steph. THEN, somebody tapped me and guess what! It was Steph's twin Sonia! Hahahaha damn cool la. Like just when i was thinking about Steph then her sister popped out! She remembered me for Aus trip and other stuff i guess. But anyway it was just so cool and i kept smiling to myself ^^

2. On the way home on 169 today..... Some guy just plopped down with his big umbrella. And with my sidewards glance i was like, "eh how come this guy so familiar...." then i turned and I REALISED IT WAS MY FREAKY PRIVATE TUTOR FROM 3 YEARS AGO. Throughout the 20 mins bus ride i covered my face so that he wouldnt recognise me. But then again, how many tuition kids he has, and how many private tutors do i have? As things would have it, he didn't recognise me at all la. But all the time he tutored my sister and i, we went through a bit of hell. He drove my sister to tears (literally!), and i even fought (verbally la hiak hiak) with him once. So stupid. He always brought about his big umbrella, came late, left early. So..... we sacked him. He was a good teacher though. At least i can now remember the r'ship between mass, mole, and Mr for the rest of my life. Cool.

Ok eos, which means end of story according to Reg, not economies of scale.

OH OH i bought Macs EVM + upsize today and didn't win anything ): so sad. I'm going to eat Macs for one whole week, in the hopes of getting 400 bucks of Jetstar Asia vouchers!!!!!!!! Plus, Charmaine suggested BKK in March today. How tempting...

Reality check : First official paper starts on the tenth. WHAT AM I DOING HERE?

cute is what
I aim for too.

Saturday, October 31, 2009

I know i shouldnt be thinking this but...... i feel like going to HK after A's!!!!!!! Hearing about HK plans from Steph and also from Thong makes me feel like going as well.....

WHO WANTS TO GO HONG KONG TOO?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

But then again, plans like these for me never get materialised. So sad right. Like always say only.... Ok i should really stop thinking about it although I still feel like going to HK. Just think. Milk tea and dimsum everyday... Too tempting, far too tempting.... Plus if i get stranded i just call my aunt. WAH SHIOK.

Anyway i'm really not progressing in any subjects. I'm close to being apathetic you know. Not that i dont want to try.. But i dont know if the extra effort i make will mean anything anymore. So tiring... My brains are fried. Fried. Fried. Plus studying at the same place almost everyday = milk tea + fat fries diet. Sigh.

Ok anyway i feel really lazy now. I need to do some work to save my sorry ass. ): then today supposed to study study but end up talk talk but i think the talking was goooooooood especially when you're talking bullshit to your bestfriend. I like how you say we'll be friends no matter what happens. It's damn cheesy but there's some quality of reassurance in it and it made my day even though it went so bad yesterday. Ahhhhhhhh contented (:

I'm happy because you know you always have someone there no matter what, but sad because A's are like in 10 days time. So reminds me of the ten-ten thing (vonster!!!).

Seriously all my posts are so filled with worries about A's. I WANT TO POST HAPPY THINGS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON.

Its o-o-obvious
Right here is where the party starts with you and me
All alone, no one has to know
Its o-o-obvious to me
How its gonna be
o-o-obvious, when you come close to me

cute is what
I aim for too.

Friday, October 30, 2009

I'm so sick of all these. And even at this point, i'm not even half done with revision.

BUT. In two days time, i'm going to make sure i become a policies pro hiak hiak. Ok la i know it's damn ambitious, but i really need to believe in miracles now. Because if i dont believe in miracles, there isn't much i can believe in.

SIGH i really want to talk to you now but you're so slow in picking up hints and you sound like you dont give a shit. Should i be upset? Should i be disappointed? Shoud i be...... i really dont know. I dont know why i care so much about this when i fret/cry most over this.

I'm so tired. But i also dont know too much about chem. How?

cute is what
I aim for too.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

WE'LL GET THROUGH THIS, TRUST ME.

cute is what
I aim for too.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Talking to you always make me happier ^^

cute is what
I aim for too.